Getting Lost

I am on a journey of self discovery, a journey to ‘find myself’ so to speak. And what have I discovered? Well, to put it in a way that a contemporary audience would understand:

Nothing. I know less about myself now than I did at 17- and that’s saying something. At 30 I thought I’d have it all together, not necessarily a house, kids and the husband to match, but at least that I could describe myself- really describe myself- in three words.

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Yup, still drawing a blank.

So, as I sit here with my raw vegan mud cake and my matcha latte why not surmise what’s on my mind?

I am in Canggu in Bali right now. After being the ‘always had a goal’ gal I decided to quit my great job working internationally in Bangkok and become a backpacker without any plans. Yup, oldest backpacker in the world. I’m still convinced that it is BAGpacker because all you do it pack and repack your bags! And don’t get me started on the packing process because I can’t even find my underwear never mind myself!

I thought about going for an inspirational post: discuss my yoga and meditation, share the lessons from the healer I saw yesterday, reminisce about the calm I feel looking out over a cliff top…but this is not how it is flowing for me right now so I thought I’d attempt ‘funny’, feel free to criticise me if I fail miserably.

The truth is I’ve had an opportunity to do yoga a million times a day and I’ve done it about five; I attempted to be a vegetarian but the chicken sate got me every time; I aimed to start every day with a morning jog and it has happened one and a half times (how does the half even happen?); I saw a healer and my restless legs got me irritated; I gave up coffee only to become addicted to matcha lattes; I planned to blog every day and this is my first post in six weeks…find yourself FAIL.

I have found myself (oh the irony!) wanting to scream because I don’t know who I am or what I want. Isn’t time away from everyone and everything supposed to bring clarity? Isn’t throwing off the shackles of a routine meant to bring a calm alertness to my mind? Isn’t all this chatter in my mind meant to ease with the soft blow of the wind through my sea swept hair?

Breathe.

I love an inspirational quote, ask any of my friends, my Instagram feed is full of them, I drive my friends crazy on Facebook with yet another daily dose of inspiration. I can also talk the talk, giving good advice and words of wisdom (or so I’ve been told.) My problem? Not following through with my own words. I am my biggest critic and I often compare myself to my past self- teenage Claire who knew it all and genuinely didn’t care what people thought. Am I not supposed to be lost at 17 and found at 30?

And there lies the problem…

The constant wondering, the constant thinking, and the constant questioning. I need to just shut up. The truth is I don’t need to have a 5 year plan, heck I don’t even have a 5 week plan! I don’t need to have any of the answers because as I desperately search for them life is slowly passing me by, breath by breath. I need to remember: I am not looking for something, I am experiencing everything.

So, there you are. I’m a metaphorical mess who needs to chill the chatter in my head by just doing things I enjoy and not wondering ‘where next?’ or ‘what next?’ or ‘who next?’ Because, my friends, the beauty of life is that we never know what is around the corner…so there is absolutely no point in looking.

Peace x

 

Travel: I HEART you!

I am in a stage in my life where I feel it is time to move on from living in South East Asia; six years in Thailand- although AMAZING- is, potentially, done for me.

Saying that, as I sit and type and stare out into the blues and greens of the sea in Gili Trawangan, I second guess myself.

And why wouldn’t I? I mean look at it…

Living in Thailand means I have so much more disposable income than I had when working in Ireland or the UK…which means I get to come somewhere like here for my half- term break.

I’m a teacher, in case you haven’t worked that one out yet. I travel almost every half term, as I said the disposable income I have allows for this.

Since December 2015, I have travelled to: Sri Lanka for Christmas; India for New Year and my friend’s Indian wedding; Malaysia for a PD course; New Zealand for April half- term; America for the summer (Seattle, San Juan Islands, San Francisco, Yosemite, Las Vegas baby! San Diego and Los Angeles) and now I’m in Bali…and my parents wonder why I don’t have any savings?

I have plans, plans, plans for every holiday from now until the middle of next year: home to Ireland and maybe Myanmar for December and January; Tanzania for a service project with school in February; Australia in April and I have many, many ideas for my summer holidays…

…unless I move that is.

Move to where though? I have the American dream. I love it there and feel so at home in many parts of it. I think the country is so diverse and  beautiful in many different ways. Sure I won’t be fitting in nine countries within a year but a lot of me could opt out of this for a place to settle, to drop my bags and call home (next to my wonderful home Ireland that is.)

Then there is the allure of applying all over the world to see what becomes of it…becomes of me.

I am definitely happy, yet something in me knows it’s time to move on. The question that remains is where…

And that, my friend, is the beauty of life.

Peace x

Biggin’ Up Bangkok

To the world it’s known as Bangkok, to Thais as Krung Thep, to fans of “The Hangover” it will always be the City of Squalor…and to me? My current home. Personally I think Bangkok gets far too much bad press, from tourists and media alike. Hence why today I am singing the praises of this individual city: B to the K K.

Too often tourists think of Bangkok as just Khao San Road (although I do love an odd night out there!) They irritate me with their accusations of “Why do you live in Bangkok?” and “I hated Bangkok when I was there, would hate to live there!” This “when” being a maximum of three days. So haters listen up, here are the reasons why I LOVE living in Bangkok.

You can get anything you want, whenever you want (and I don’t mean the sleazy things!) Food glorious food!!! I always miss home food, and often yearn for it but the want is eased by the huge choice of food here: Italian, Indian, British, Korean, American, Greek, Lebanese, Japanese, my Irish grub (although not comparable to my mammy’s!) and so on and so forth.

And what better way to wash food down than with a few beverages? There is a ladies night every night of the week in Bangkok, with free flow booze. Being a ‘lady’ I love this. Whether it be the classy dining of W Hotel of a Saturday night (where we once ended up or the chilled after work tipple in The Witch’s Tavern of a Wednesday (which also has free pizza I might add!) there is something for everyone. Even being broke in Bangkok can be a pleasure.

Keeping with the nightlife vibe, there’s a wide choice of bars, clubs, karaoke and rooftop bars, from dingy but popular places such as Wong’s to classy establishments such as Octave Rooftop Lounge and Bar in the Marriot to choose from. But BEWARE, 49 floors up and above the city is a scary- albeit beautiful- place.

And if I haven’t fattened myself up too much from food and booze there’s these much loved shops: Topshop, Forever XXI, Nike, Australia’s Cotton On and markets, markets, markets.

And if I can’t fit into that sexy red number? More choice of sports and activities than one could ever imagine! Soccer, Gaelic football, basketball, netball (which I thought was volleyball!), yoga, Pilates, aerobics, Thai Muay Thai, karate, jujitsu, volleyball, badminton and so on and so forth. Oh and there’s always my condo, kitted out with pool and gym to use at my convenience.

I hear you ask…but what if I’m not the sporty type? What do I do then? Fear not fellows for there is an infinite number of Meet Up groups to join, from photography to language to books to travel to everything you can think of! Well, within reason…ish.

And back to food (because there’s enough to fill a million blogs!) I must not forget to mention the quirky restaurants: the robot restaurant where it does exactly what it says on the tin…robots as waiters; Cabbages and Condoms where Santa Claus is definitely only fit for an adult Christmas; dining with rabbits and all sorts! As I said, “quirky”.

Not to forgot my favourite…Thai style: beautiful temples, food stalls, boat taxis, motorbike taxis, festivals, and the ever challenging footpath challenge (survive it without breaking a toe!)

Then there’s always the escape within the city with hundreds of luxury hotels at reasonable prices…I’ve done it and it’s worth it!

But if after all this excitement you really need to get out of the big bad city? There’s always the accessible island escape of Koh Samed or the riverside town of Kanchanaburi to keep you content.

Remember one thing: Bangkok doesn’t have the longest name in the world for no reason, there must be something to it…check it out if you don’t believe me!