Thailand: The Nitty Gritty

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: I love Thailand. I love living here. However, there are some things about this wonderful country that I’ll never get used to, be it good, bad or just plain ugly.

1. Men’s long finger nails, primarily on the baby finger: I’ve since learned that this is used as a ‘tool’ of sorts to unscrew things or to scratch one’s ear. But to me there are cotton buds and screw drivers so please use these instead!

2. Dogs that look dead sleeping almost everywhere: Again I love dogs but I don’t want to run one over…which is a danger as they sprawl across the road unaware (and seemingly uncaring) of their impending death.

3. Taxi men refusing fares: I definitely confused taxi men when I went home to Ireland for Christmas as I asked them would they take me to my desired destination. They cocked their heads to the side and laughed a ‘don’t you know how taxis work’ laugh. I hung my head apologetically as I remembered that taxi men at home went where you wanted them to go, no ‘pai dai mai?’ (CAN you go) necessary, as is the case in Thailand.

4. Whitening cream: I say cream but it’s cream, powder, deodorant…whatever whitening can get in…it’s in!

5: Babies and children on motorbikes…without helmets! If you must put them on one at least make sure they’re wearing a helmet!

6: Nose picking: children and adults alike! It’s nasty so please don’t do it in public.

7: Transportation for tourists: those night buses could easily be cut down in time…if you stopped insisting on ferrying us from cafe to cafe and just GOT US TO OUR DESIRED DESTINATION!

8: Fitting four or more on a motorbike: not disgusted, but impressed.

9: Random pictures: I’ve been asked many a time if I could have my photo taken, or I’ve simply caught sight of a sneaky photo being taken. At first this perplexed me, that is until one wise friend (who’d been living here for a year longer than me) informed me that this was normal, that I needed to “just go with it.” Embracing the advised “just go with it” has led to me being in family photos, from beach to graduation!

10: Patterns: I know mixing patterns is fashionable but I don’t think the rule applies to floral shirt with cartoon pants!

11: Shop greetings: I like shopping. Wait. I LOVE shopping. However, the thrill for me is slightly (totally) numbed when I am greeted, not with a smile and a welcome, but with a shriek of “We have big size”, “Look stretch!” What a way to kill one’s ego, and needlessly lose a customer!

Most of the above are trivial things (apart from putting white on a pedestal and the helmetless infants) so I can put up with them, nothing a healthy dose of ranting can’t cure! You have been warned so look out for (and avoid) the long-finger-nailed-nose- picker!

South East Asia Is My Oyster

Feeling refreshed as I laze by the beautiful, blue pool in my condominium I begin to reflect on my life here in Thailand. I don’t do it very often- reflect that is- but life in Thailand is most certainly worth reflecting on. Today I’m remembering the places I’ve explored: Cambodia, Laos, Hong Kong, Vietnam and Thailand, from North to South.

Initially, I intended to stay in Thailand for one year, however, almost three years on, I am still here and I am still LOVING it. In the beginning, I escaped to an island or the countryside almost every weekend. Being only a couple of hours away, a weekend on a tropical island or swimming in a waterfall is hard to turn down.

Exploring Thailand is a real treat: I have hiked the mountains in the north and lazed on the islands in the south. This month, I will once again stroll through the temples of Chiang Mai and raft down the rivers of Pai. The rich and diverse culture of this colourful country never fails to amaze me.

Although neighbouring countries, I was surprised at how different Cambodia is to Thailand. Different but equally as wonderful. I have been fortunate to see the sun rise at Angkor Wat and humbled to learn more about the painful history in Phnom Pehn. The experiences and knowledge given to me by Cambodia will never be forgotten.

Laos was another unforgettable trip. This charming country offers such beauty; the mountainous landscape, the humble villages and the picturesque towns are well worth a visit.

The vibrant Hong Kong was next on my vacation hit list. The bright lights of the city contrast beautifully with the beach- lined coast. Although afraid of (some) heights, I could appreciate the breathtaking views of both city and beach from (in my mind) terrifying heights!

Vietnam. Vietnam, Vietnam, Vietnam. My dad has always wanted to explore Vietnam: he loves history and has read every book about Vietnam (be it fiction or non- fiction) EVER. Being influenced by his enthusiasm, I developed a desire to visit this country so steeped in history. Vietnam was never top on my list of countries to visit, but it was definitely on a list. Having now been to Vietnam, I can say it is most definitely top on my list of COUNTRIES I MUST EXPLORE MORE. I had just over a week in Vietnam and travelled to Hanoi and Hoi An, similar names but unbelievably contrasting places. I navigated a map to find my way through the fiercely intertwining streets of Hanoi; educated myself in the city’s war museums; drank the deliciously cheap beer; squatted on the tiny chairs as I devoured the tantalizing street food and enjoyed every minute. Then there was Hoi An. The beauty of Hoi An is indescribable. I spent every night ‘ooing’ and ‘awwing’ the colourful lanterns that line the petite streets, and every day ‘ooing’ and ‘awwing’ the beautiful, mustard yellow, French architecture that the lights cling to. Relaxing boat rides, strolling and cycling was how I lazed away my days in Hoi An, as well as exploring the history that this town has to offer. At night I tried tasty food, drank smooth beer, listened to soothing music, waltzed through the colourful markets and ‘ooed’ and ‘awed’ at the lanterns some more. My disappointment at leaving Hoi An was somewhat eased as my anticipated return to Hanoi loomed. By the time I boarded the return plane to Bangkok my map of the city was well and truly worn.

So here I am, back in Bangkok with memories of Cambodia, Laos, Hong Kong, Vietnam and Thailand flooding my mind. And where to next? I have set my sights on Japan and The Philippines. The world is my oyster, and South East Asia is a great place to have begun.

Thailand and its Not- So- Charming Minivans

Currently, I am waiting for a minivan to take me from Bangkok to Chonburi, a little over one hour away. Because there is no visible timetable I ask the cashier, “When will the minivan get here?” No answer. I repeat my question. No answer. I try a third time, “Excuse me, when will the minivan get here?” Each time the question was asked in perfect Thai (I’ve been complimented on my Thai accent and it’s a simple question that I’ve used many times) so the ‘language barrier’ wasn’t an issue, confirmed when she answered, “It will get here when it gets here. Wait a minute.” Plain rude. Why did it take me repeating myself three times to get a simple answer? Many minutes later (far from the “beb diiaw” minute instruction) I am still waiting. Now to to make things clear: I love Thailand. However, the time has got me reflecting on the many flaws -and plain and simple instances of rudeness- that are a regular here, in all countries obviously, but since I have been irritated by this incident which has taken place on Bangkok, then Thailand I shall rant about! Mainly minivans. Actually, only minivans.

Minivan Rant 1: why must the driver tell you where to sit? “Move to the back, move to the side, sit upside down.” If seats aren’t assigned then aren’t I allowed to put my bottom where my bottom deems best?

Minivan Rant 2: waiting. Waiting. Waiting. The minivan is full. FULL! No more bodies can squeeze in so please, get this show on the road (because I want to be sipping cocktails on the each by 6, if not sooner.)

Minivan Rant 3: the driving, oh the driving! Sometimes it feels like a race as they speed along and veer in and out of the lanes, blowing horns at one’s will. This was endearing at first, the danger and excitement, knowing that those cocktails would be waiting when I reached my destination. Now, having been moved seven times by the seat dictator and needlessly waiting for much longer than necessary, this ‘race’ is just a contradiction (and annoyance, not to mention danger!) to the driver’s previous stalling. Slow down! People’s lives are in your hands! And then there’s the brakes. THE BRAKES! That harsh jamming of the brakes as we stop short of slamming into the car in front; the brakes that wouldn’t be needed so much if you drive at the legal speed limit.

Minivan Rant 4: it’s either baltic or boiling in there! Where’s the happy medium?

Minivan Rant 5: those back seats that make your arse want to die (not to mention that front inside seat that’s even worse!) Having spent ages waiting for the damn thing, securing the best seats by successful deployment of the bag friend- seat friend tactic as I’ve just christened it (Bangkokians know what I mean), the last thing you need is that seat dictator telling you to move! Doesn’t he know the anguish you’ve just been through: the dealing out of bag friend- seat friend roles, the furtive edging to the head of the queue, the wish to be able to read Thai as the minivan signs roll in, the movement of your bucket and spade to a secure location…DOESN’T HE KNOW? He definitely doesn’t care as he orders you to move to the back seats of arse death! And he doesn’t even bother to slow down going over those bumps!

Luckily for me, today has been a success: I’m sitting on a comfortable seat and we’re on the move. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about the speed (the fear that he might order me to move creeping in.) My advice to a novice minivan passenger? Get a taxi.